What the heck am I doing writing a blog? should be the question. This all started with a very politically incorrect and sort of mean type of inside-my-head rant, years ago while I worked in retail at a sports shop. A lady of large proportions came in, almost at close, and began a massive shop. This is a sports shop. Already in my head "I am not sure what sports this lady is playing or what lycra we have that will fit, but ok" See? Mean. What follows is meaner, so if you're not sarcastic, and are really a sweet kind person-the type who doesn't kill a spider in your house but saves it with a piece of paper and releases it outside-well then please stop reading now. I don't want your comments about how mean I am and how I should take a look in the mirror or whatever. I am mean, I know it, and this is my blog, so shut up.
Muse: "Don't you have any of those sweat suits?"
Me: "Sweat Suits? Like you mean fleece? Jogging pants?"
Muse: "No, no, these suits that make you sweat..you know they are made out of plastic?"
Me: (Because I am not sport minded at all, have never played organised sports and only work this job to pay for Starbucks, rent and cheap $20 tops from Le Chateau) "Ummm, no I have never heard of that before, sorry."
Muse: "Oh my god they are so great! It's like a plastic airtight suit and you wear it while you workout and it really makes you sweat out extra fat! It really works!"
Me: (inside head) "Huh, really works hey?" And I'm picturing her HUGER than she is now (think not humanely possible) on a treadmill wrapped in some saran wrap get up. "hate to see what size you were before then, honey!"
In telling this story to friends later I realized it was funny to my sort of people. I decided then and there I should write a book someday all about the things I have thought but never said out loud-especially while working in my varied retail jobs. Life goes on and changes and now the blogs the thing. So here I am. Take me as I am.
Me: (inside head) "And if you don't like me, SUCK IT!"