Tuesday, March 4, 2008

I am slowly going crazy, 1,2,3,4,5,6 SWITCH

Since becoming a parent I've been thinking of the silliest things and giving them too much importance. Prime example: I fear I do not know enough kids songs. I can't remember the words to the ones I do know, and I have this niggle that there are so many I'm supposed to be singing daily to ensure my son grows up an intelligent human being, but I can't think of them. Instead I'm singing him hits of the eighties and show tunes! Will my son grow to be an effeminate, tap dancing keyboardist in a Bangles revival band? Hmmmm, that wouldn't be so terrible!

In any case I did finally remember this Crazy song in a timely moment of brilliance. And it got me to thinking: "What makes one crazy?". Am I crazy because I do not want to put a mobile in my son's crib? Is my mother in law crazy because she asks about a mobile in his crib EVERY time she calls as if I am the worst mother in the world if I don't? Hmmmm. Am I crazy because I am starting to think that I actually might be guilty of causing some of the strife in our relationship? OR is my mother in law crazy because she wants me to feel guilty more than anything else in the world?

My husband and his parents are fighting again after his mother took a first-class ride on the crazy train last Saturday. She is upset that he doesn't call her more often basically, which obviously means he doesn't think she was a good mother, couldn't wait to leave his house and go to University, married some "domineering bitch" on purpose so he could avoid her in adulthood, and is trying to keep her from being a part of her grandson's life. It all started when we had company on Thursday night, the baby actually was a gem, and we were enjoying wine and relaxing adult conversation and we decided not to answer the phone when it rang. We thought-hmmm, it would be rude to get up from the table and answer that, so we won't. It was his mom and she didn't leave a message. She did, however, continue to call back at intervals-which she often does. Now, my husband is terrible at calling his mother back-mostly becasue he does dread talking to her, so by Saturday this became a state of emergency to her. Apparently, (I wasn't involved directly in the conversation) it was enough that she was leaving her husband, her home and not coming here in two weeks as planned, and she'd had enough! Enough to let him know in a mournful cry that when he was growing up he learned they ALWAYS answered the phone...(so obviously it's only my influence that has changed his prioroties, right?). It's not what she says often that is insulting...it's how she says it. And later if you reminded her of something she said that hurt your feelings, she would claim you were making it up.

So why do I feel guilty? I feel like I should do something to ease her pain. To help her find her own self-worth, without needing my husband to provide it for her. I feel suddenly that perhaps I had a hand in her downfall. That maybe I'm to blame for some of her insecurities. I am domineering, like she said. I do have a big sarcastic mouth and she has never understood me or my jokes. All the times she has taken me literally have certainly made the chasm between us deeper. I have, after all, dragged her son away from her with my hypnotizing sex ...oh wait here I go getting sarcastic again. No really, being a mommy myself now I feel so over it. Life is too short, and maybe, maybe if I talk to her things will get better.

Seeeeeeee-eeeee. the song is right! This is the crazy 1-2-3-4-5-6 SWITCH. She is pulling the ol' switcheroo on me. We obviously need to duel to reverse the crazy. I can't wait! No sarcasm there, by the way.

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