Wednesday, March 26, 2008


WARNING! More complaining about random people telling me how to raise my baby coming:

In a long lineup at Starbucks. Baby boy is, for once, hungry! He starts to fuss. But really, before I sit myself down in a comfy coffee corner and haul out my boob, no doubt insulting and embarrassing many patrons, the least I can do is buy a latte. Ummm, and I needed a coffee. So I'm letting baby boy have his tantrum. The lady behind me pipes up: "He wants a soother!". Hmmmm, ok, what will I do here? Will I yell at her? Will I ignore her? Will I politely educate her on how she should refrain from giving new moms advice at the mall and why? I chose to be non-committal and passive. (Dammit I need that coffee...why isn't this line going any faster!) So I just avoided eye contact and said "Oh-he doesn't like the pacifier". She lights up: "OH! You just have to hold it in their mouths for 45 minutes! Then he'll take it! That's what I learned from a nurse!".

Well I don't know about you, but holding a pacifier in my screaming baby's face for 45 minutes reeeeeallly sounds like a good time! New moms should have Paci-parties...where we all sit around, drinking mimosas, and taking turns holding the pacies. Each mom has two that's like a great 20 minute break for each mom. It's the new tupperware party. Or Pampered Chef. No need to buy anything, but the booze is required to soothe the nerves if we are to listen to wails for 45 minutes.

My only question is: where do I find ADULT pacifiers? I would gladly plop one in the random stranger's mouth the second I detected stupid advice forming on their lips. Not every mom is created equal...but we all have one thing in common: there are tough times. And when I see another mom having a tough time you know what I do? Shut my mouth. I'm no smarter than she is when it comes to her baby! Would you take advice from Britney? Just because she is a mom doesn't make her a better one. Trust.

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