Sunday, October 5, 2008

I don't know how she "f&*king does it!

Ok, I've just started reading that book "I don't know how she does it". I know, I can tell by the pop culture references (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, etc) that I'm about 5 or 6 years behind the times here. But 5 or 6 years ago this book had nothing to do with me. Now I can relate, so I'm reading it. Actually I can relate but it is just pissing me off. The story follows a high ranking exec with oodles and oodles of cash flow who has two kids she feels she neglects, but needs to do so because working makes her a better mother when she is home-or no wait, she calls that a lie working mom's tell themselves to make themselves feel better about their choice...so er, she needs to work because she ? Look-I will be a working mother. I'm planning on going back full time in two months-don't remind me or I might cry (time is no longer creeping and I'm getting a little weapy thinking a bout leavig him in daycare!). But this book is pissing me off because clearly this woman likes her job, but all she does is complain about everything in her life... and how desperately she is sad, tired, guilty, etc, etc, etc. I guess I just don't understand the use of paying the nanny more than your spouse makes so you can go to work and be miserable. Surely there is a compromise somewhere? A lesser job in a similar field? Maybe I don't understand these high powered execs...but if you can pay a nanny a huge salary, all of her vacations, buy yourself all the designer goods you want, travel the world? Well where's the misery?

It's been a busy couple of months for me. I decided to take on a little "job" while on mat leave-directing a show. I worked with some awesome, understanding ladies on this play-it was really nice to be around creative souls and have the comraderie of women (You know me, I usually hate other women so it was great to enjoy their company for a change). But it really was my first taste of working while having a baby. I think I did an ok job of it...but I made some mistakes for sure. I think I could do a far better job of writing this fucking "I don't know how she does it" book...and the reality of it is I did it for no money. Zero. Actually I'm out a shit tonne for all the babysitting I paid (my sitter makes more than I do too! Damn teenagers these days!). And yeah I felt guilty and at times neglectful...but it was all worth it. I got joy from it in many ways, and I think baby boy gained some awesome extra time with dada and lots of his little friends (whose moms so graciously baby sat for us)...he was social and I wasn't clinging to him and we both learned a lot. And at the end of the day, yeah it was a lot of work and I'm tired, but I always came home excited, not comatose and sobbing. This "I don't know how she does it" bitch needs to reevaluate. "Doing it all" I think means not just making it look easy to keep up with the Jones'...I'm so over that. You need to do it all or not, and not care...but be happy with the choice you made. Forget this martyr crap for the sake of a few pats on the back from strangers.

You only need to pull the martyr crap with your spouse so he feels bad for you and finally does the dishes or whatever. Otherwise, work or don't work but don't live a life of misery because it "looks" good. I think I'll be returning this book to the library on time.

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