Sunday, October 5, 2008

Toot! Toot! the FART train is here

Lately my son has a definite preference for dad. It is pissing me off. I realize the guy is a novelty-around on the weekends and sometimes before baby boy hits the sack on weeknights. It's a great treat when dada is home for bath time, for sure. I mean, I am sooooo grateful when hubby gets home in time to help out with some parenting things at the end of a long day. And I do long for him to see baby boy more and more...but when baby boy lights up when dada walks into the room, I admit my heart feels a little blacker for my jealously. Damn, kid! I do everything for you and you can't muster a little smile for me?!?! I think this is where most mothers begin on their journey of guilt and over-mothering. So I must stop myself while I still can.

One thing going for me is that I certainly am the more creative of us two parents. Everything we do is a song...and every song is different. I am not sure what I'll do when he is a toddler and he is asking for the "poopy song"-NO NOT THAT ONE! THE ONE FROM YESTERDAY! and I have no idea how it goes. I imagine that will be really annoying, for both of us. But for now, baby boy seems really into my silly lyrics and warbling tunes...or is that a smirk on his little face instead of a smile? "Oh geeeeez mom, knock it off!".

My favorite tune sounds like something out of the musical "Oklahoma!". I made it up. This one I can repeat, though the theme does change depending on what we are doing:
He's the cutest damn boy in the west!
His ASS-plosions are better than all the rest!

I replace the "snicker" with baby boy's name though so it's more personal. And please...I understand that damn and ass might be, gasp! swear words to some of you. But remember I grew up with a mom who swore every second word ("I fucking love you!")...and I didn't start swearing until I was 18.

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as an entry for a contest sponsored by Bush’s Beans, where they asked what kind of songs you sing to your kids-a re-worked classic with new lyrics? Or simple renditions of Twinkle, Twinkle? Bush's beans are on a mission to resolve the issue with the "beans, beans the musical fruit" song since beans are not a fruit at all. You can check out the contest for re-writing this classic here. The funny thing is...and maybe people from the east coast (moi) are dirtier minded than most of North America...but I never learned it that way! To us it was always "beans, beans, good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you FART." Fart is NOT a bad word, surely? What is this "toot" business. I don;t want baby boy running around saying "mom I tooted!". I had a cousin that made her boy say "fluff" instead of fart. Now that's way too polite and mystical for me. Fluff? Like marshmallow fluff? If baby boy's assplosions resembled anything like sweet, confectionary goodness I'd be a marketing him and making millions. But alas, he, like the rest of us, stinks. No, STANKS. Just say fart so we know exactly what you are talking about and can get out of the up-wind fast enough!

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