Friday, November 21, 2008

Holiday Gift Guide

Wondering what to get a toddler for Christmas? Here are my picks along with a few bonus/gift with purchase type suggestions):

1) Toilet paper. 1 or 2 rolls.
2) Tube of lipgloss. Bonus: Packaging it came in. Bonus-Bonus: Top comes off tube easily.
3) Diaper, any size. Bonus: A fresh, clean one.
4) Chest of drawers...high enough for little hands to pull up on, stand and open/close drawers repeatedly. Bonus: Things inside drawers. Bedside reading, bottles of water, lube, vibrators, , what have you. Bonus-Bonus: Drawers that don't hurt too bad if they (inevitably) slam fingers inside.
5) Electronic devices. Bonus: electronic devices that you currently use, are in good working condition, cost a small fortune, are NOT waterproof, and have batteries that can be man-handled out of their place and licked (for C&M), i.e. cell phones or remote controls. Bonus-Bonus: If said electronic device has a carrying string to lick and chew, i.e. camera.
6) Plastic bags. (Ignore warning written on said plastic bag about "suffocation risk"-bah, humbug!)
7) Shoes. Any kind or color. Preferably laced- see #5.
8) Extension cords. Bonus: Power bar is attached.
9) Small chocking hazards, i.e. coins. Bonus: A christmas themed chocking hazard, like the hook from a tree ornament, dried-out pine needles or string -light bulbs.
10) A ladies purse. Or a specific lady's purse-tis the season for purse snatching, afterall. Bonus: Purse has infinite lipgloss tubes, vibrators, digital cameras, and small chocking hazards, which may or may not include snacks for baby long forgotten (i.e cherios at bottom of said purse).

Please feel free to add your own (all four of you that read this blog!) in the comments. Toys r Us should take note. They could make a fortune selling this stuff!


Heavy Petal said...

I second the power cords and plastic bags.

I'd also add:

A cat or other furry pet with sharp nails and a bad attitude;

Dust balls (bonus - the hair ball that comes up afterward!);

Paperbacks or magazines for chewing or a light snack;

Clumps of hair.

me said...

I am never letting you look after my wee girl gain ;-)

OK, how about a Black and Decker power drill - bonus: one that plugs in for a good old fashioned extra shock

A ticket to the space station

Used pads from the trash can - errrmm yummy. Bonus use tampons and you have the added bonus of the string chewing too)

Dishwasher tablets are always a winner this time of year

Ray gun

... that's all for now


Anonymous said...

hello Heavy Petal - I know you ;-)

djbeat said...

i know i don't get to vote as i don't have a toddler YET but i know my little one loves to collect lint...

btw i had to tag you - you'll see why

Anonymous said...

I'm missing your blogs!