Tuesday, February 3, 2009

"If you need me I'll be in my trailer"

So pre-baby I must say that I avoided the Walmart for the social and cash-sucking plague that is is. But post-baby I see the benefit of the big box store: diapers really are cheaper there. So is baby clothes. So are the hundreds of odds and ends that you need with baby. So I've learned to be a closet embracer of the Walmart. Why buy 2 rolls of toilet paper when you can get 36 for cheaper?

The other night there was some need I had for the walmart. Don't remember exactly what it was. But at one point I looked around, looked at my self, and realized I had no need to feel embarassed about shopping there. Indeed, I was no better or worse than anyone else rambling through the aisles. Who was I kidding? Tim Horton's in hand, I pushed my cart with baby boy (not strapped in to the broken front part) reaching into the back of the cart and eating cookies out of the bag. His shirt front glistening wet from the juice I served im from the bottle with a straw. Do we even need to mention the boogers in his nose and the fact that he wasn't wearing his sneakers? Oh yeah, and he was screaming. A lot. Whenever there wasn't a cookie in his trap. And arching and bucking away from me every time I tried to force him back down into the seat. I was THAT lady. But yet, I blissfully strolled through all of the aisles, loading up with mega packs of diapers and detergent, etc. Oh yeah, and random toys which I had no intention of purchasing, but which kept baby boy and his globby-cookie hands occupied for minutes at a time. I abandoned them, and all other thinsg I decided against as I strolled in secluded aisles here and there when no one was looking. Once we finally got through the checkout, baby boy really wanted out of the seat so I plunked him into the big part of the cart with all of the purchases. He promptly grabbed my somewhat empty timmy's cup and started draining it of any drips/dregs of coffee left. "Awww how cute!" the cashier exclaimed. At this baby boy screamed again.

Out in the parking lot, manoeuvering the cart holding my (not-safely strapped in) baby through traffic I made it to my car and realized the reason he had been screaming on and off: his diaper. Oh holy lord!!!!!!!!!! How had I not noticed? So I flipped open th hatchback, laid him out and changed the poop in the parking lot. I think the only thing missing from the whole ordeal was me sporting a ready-to-burst baby belly poking out from under a beer t-shirt.

Today I found myself back at the Wallymart...texting in the bathroom.

Once, a while ago, my uncle bought me "Trailer Park Trash Soap"-one of those cheeky joke gifts. It was in reference to how my in-laws treated me and we all had a good laugh. Now I wonder I am perpetuating what other people expect of me? Or, if they could see something I couldn't? Either way, I got a great deal on a supervalue pack of teepee :)


djbeat said...

the horror! at least you are the cutest "that LADY" walmart has seen in a long while...

i dread the day my wee wonder becomes that screaming arching bucking child - he is well on his way! thank god there is no walmart remotely close to where i live.

Matt SW said...

You wrote: "I think the only thing missing from the whole ordeal was me sporting a ready-to-burst baby belly poking out from under a beer t-shirt" - you missed the huge thong rising up like a phoenix from your low-riser stonewashed jeans ;-).

Complainy Pants said...

Ah yes, Matt...how could I have forgotten the "whale-tail".